Eighteen
by ElegiacJubilation
Summary: For five years, the many princesses of Ooo have abided by a secret agreement—that none shall date Finn the Human until he is of age. What will happen in the wake of his eighteenth birthday? Rated M for sexual themes and language. Lemon chapters incoming. Reviews much appreciated. Chapter 1 premise borrowed from "Prince Of The Grasslands" by elderscrolls master.
1. The Secret Meeting

On the eve of Finn's eighteenth birthday, Ooo was abuzz with gossip and drama. Everyone was curious of what was to happen. For the average person, it was a regular holiday—the human was a revered celebrity and hero, and a massive celebration was to be expected. For the royalty, though...something more was of their consideration.

* * *

In the dead of night, dozens of princesses traveled un-escorted to the Bad Lands for a long-awaited Meeting of Ooo Royalty. It was perhaps the most secret event they'd ever organized; no one, not even their personal advisers, had been informed. Each princess journeyed unguarded, risking her very life to be present, hoping that word hadn't gotten out. If anyone caught wind, their routes would surely be riddled with bandits and kidnappers—the detestable sort who'd truly do them harm, unlike the Ice King.

Ten minutes from midnight, the last few monarchs arrived. Wildberry Princess and Emerald Princess trudged into the room, disheveled and exhausted from their long trek. The Royal Congressional Hall was noticeably devoid of its usual male attendants. The all-female group gathered around the table in wait. When it seemed that all were present, Princess Bubblegum stood and approached the podium.

"Hello everyone. Welcome to the first _secret_ Meeting of Ooo Royalty. As I'm sure you're aware, we're here to discuss our 479th joint decree which, in a few short minutes, will be concluded. It was proposed first by Slime Princess—"

"Because a _certain_ _someone_ was overstepping her bounds with a _certain_ hero," SP interjected.

"—and signed into law by this council five years ago," Bonnibel continued unfazed. "And, with the eighteenth birthday of Finn Mertens, the document will be void. In case anyone has forgotten, it mandates royal behavior around and with the human—prohibiting any romantic pursuance, non-platonic relationships, and intimate interaction, among other things.

"I'm sorry," Flame Princess spoke up. "You guys had rules about not dating Finn?"

"Yes, well...the Fire Kingdom wasn't willing to cooperate with the council at the time, so the regulations weren't shared with your father."

"But...isn't that kind of messed up?" she asked.

The other princesses looked between each other, some appearing guilty, others entirely indifferent. The decree was a means to postpone fighting among them; they'd never considered the impact it may have on the hero.

After a prolonged silence, Marceline said, "Not any more messed up than tryin' to sleep with a thirteen year-old." She snickered and winked at Bonnibel.

"I _wasn't_—I _wouldn't_—he was—Finn is my _friend_," she said, her composure slipping from the accusation. "_Some_ of us were certainly trying, however. The decree was imposed to protect him—to make him off-limits until such a time that it would be appropriate—and, uh..."

As though on cue, the clock chimed twelve. All the women shifted in their seats. Many considered running off early, trying to reach the human first. It would be a futile effort; the Bad Lands were merciless and the Vampire Queen could outpace them all. Even Bubblegum faltered with the sound.

"Well then," she said softly. "Decree 479 is void. Finn Mertens is now fair game."

A half-hearted cheer filled the hall. Everyone was excited, but they found it hard to celebrate surrounded by competition.

"Settle, settle," Bonnibel called. "I have something to add. I've prepared a list," she pulled a piece of paper from her coat and laid it out on the podium, "that should help us avoid any unnecessary confrontations. Here I've written all eligible contenders, ordered by the amount of time they've spent with Finn, most being first. I think it's fair that those with the greatest investment should have first contact and, as it happens, _I_ have accumulated the most hours with him—"

"Oh _nuh-uh_, girl!" Lumpy Space Princess—now Lumpy Space Queen—slammed her hands down on the table. "You aren't gonna take this from me! I've gone further with Finn than any of y'all—I've earned him! You only have the top spot 'cause you use him as your errand-boy!"

LSQ spurred a cacophony of similar complaints from her peers. Though she remained silent, even Marceline looked at Bonnie with a glimmer of confusion. Following the Great Gum War—and the kiss they shared thereafter—she and Bubblegum had rekindled their former relationship. Both the vampire and the princess had feelings for Finn, but neither discussed them openly.

Bonnibel sensed her discomfort and leaned in to speak privately. "Listen, I should've mentioned it sooner but I just...I've been a bit distracted with the party preparations. Obviously, I'm not gonna slip off and sleep with Finn behind your back. It's just...y'know, this is my only chance before he finds a new GF. I know you used to have a thing for him too, Marcy."

"I still do," she whispered in response. "We really should'a talked about this on our way here. I'd have been all over it."

"Wait, are you saying—"

"Let's take 'im for ourselves—before these vultures rip him to pieces. We can share him." She and Bonnie smiled in agreement.

"This isn't going to affect _us_, our relationship, is it?"

"'Course not. We're just havin' some fun. Showin' Finnie a good time." She winked.

As they spoke, the hall had devolved into chaos. The princesses were screaming at one another, busied with petty debates and old grievances. LSQ held Raggedy Princess in one hand and waved a fist at Muscle Princess with the other.

"Hey!" Bubblegum shouted. "We're princesses! Let's act like it, shall we?"

The scene settled and the women returned to their seats. LSQ dropped RP aimlessly and scoffed.

"As I was saying, _I_ have accumulated the most time with Finn. Second place goes to Marceline the Vampire Queen. Third is Flame Princess. Then Lumpy Space Queen. After that, the differences are narrow. I'll leave the full list in front; please check it for your number before leaving."

Bonnibel stepped back from the podium and made toward the exit.

"Wait!" Slime Princess shouted. "We never voted on your list."

PB paused and grimaced. She was hoping her deliberate misstep would go unnoticed.

"All in favor?" SP continued.

Bonnie, Marcy, and LSQ raised their hands.

"And all opposed?"

Everyone else—excluding Flame Princess, who still felt it unethical to legislate someone else's love life—raised their hands.

"Then it's settled. _Anyone_ can approach Finn _whenever_ they feel like it. Meeting adjourned."

The princesses shuffled from the hall into the night, leaving PB and Marceline behind. Some broke into a run, though they'd never reach the hero before dawn.

"You okay?" Marcy asked, floating alongside her girlfriend.

"Yeah." Her tone suggested otherwise.

"Hey, don't even worry about it. You know how Finnie is—he'll turn 'em all down at first. But us...he's still crushin'. We'll have 'im this time tomorrow."

Bubblegum smiled and took her hand. The pair walked outside and started toward the Candy Kingdom.

"Should we head over tonight?" the vampire asked.

"Nah, you're right. It can wait till after the party."

"Where's Finn living now, anyway?"

Bonnie frowned. "I think Jake said something about Mt. Cragdor? Mannish Man left that place after they won the Enchiridion, so I guess it was empty. I offered 'em a room in the castle...but they didn't seem too interested."

* * *

Meanwhile, Finn the Human slept soundly beside his brother in the cave atop Mt. Cragdor. He had no idea what was to come the following day.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

**For the sake of this story, I have opted to make Finn single. He and Huntress Wizard did not continue dating following the finale. Sorry if you like them together (I do too) but it would've gotten in the way. If you're interested in a Finn x HW story, let me know.**

**Otherwise, let me know what you think. How's my writing? How can I improve? Any suggestions for how the story should go? Feel free to PM me or leave a review.**

**I should also mention, the premise of this chapter is based on "Prince Of The Grasslands" by elderscrolls master. My story will diverge from that one in following chapters, however.**

**Thanks for reading!**


	2. The Party of the Century

Jake awoke to the early morning light which shone through the cave entrance. He'd positioned himself closer to the opening, intending to wake up before his brother. The dog checked on the human and, when he was sure he was still sound asleep, stepped beyond the threshold of their new home.

He stretched his legs to the height of the mountain and walked over top the dense forest which surrounded it, heading to the Candy Kingdom. Unknown to him, as he passed the (now permanently open) gate, his foot slammed down dangerously close to an exhausted Breakfast Princess. She'd been travelling through the night and had just reached the outskirts of the compound. The trip through the Bad Lands was draining—without sleep and water, and with the near-death experience of Jake's passing, she elected to quit where she now stood. The princess collapsed to the ground and fell asleep instantly.

A similar trail of unconscious princesses wound all the way back to the Royal Congressional Hall, with many kilometers spanning the various women who comprised it. From his high vantage point, Jake was unable to see them, and he continued on unbothered.

* * *

The whole Candy Kingdom was bustling with energy. It seemed that every citizen was participating in the party set-up. Last year, for Finn's seventeenth birthday, celebration had been limited by the impending war—their party was restricted to the main hall, and attendance was abysmal. Bubblegum wanted to make up for that—doubly so, given the significance of this particular birthday.

This time, the entire kingdom had been allocated for the festivities. The streets were lined with carnival games and parades. Streamers flew from the highest turrets of the castle and were strung between the Gumball Guardians. Multiple stages had been constructed throughout the town. The Party Bears and their monster had sprawled out in the middle of things, ready to put on a show. Now, the main hall was dedicated solely to housing the human's presents. Every candy person had something to offer in thanks, and more was expected from the crowds of visiting guests.

As Jake approached, everyone stopped and turned to watch, curious as to whether the human was accompanying him. When the dog shrank to his usual size—and no Finn was to be found—they resumed their work. Even with his stretchy powers, he found it hard to navigate the crowded roads. At the entrance to the castle, he found the two women he was looking for.

"Princess! Marcy!" he called. They turned his way and smiled. "Is everything ready?"

"Everything is proceeding as scheduled," Bubblegum said confidently.

"Where's Finnie?" the vampire asked.

"Still sleepin'. He'll be out for a while longer; I kept him up late last night."

"Good. The party officially begins at noon, and is slated to end just after midnight—"

"But it's totally gonna last till daybreak," Marceline interjected. "There's no way we can get everybody outta here like that, 'specially if Party Wolf shows up."

"Which he most certainly _will_," the dog said. "It's the Party of the Century—he'd never miss it!"

PB chuckled anxiously, suddenly wondering if having the Candy Kingdom host was really the best idea. The Vampire Queen guessed her concerns and gave her a reassuring smirk.

"Don't worry, Bonnie. If anything gets outta hand, I can clear 'em all out," she said.

As they spoke, the sky above them was rapidly consumed by cloud cover.

"Looks like the Cloud Kingdom is in place," Bonnibel said. "Right on time. Jake, I need you to help set up the ladders—partygoers will need to travel up and down freely. There's plenty of open space in the clouds for dancing. The streets will be devoted to games and other revelry."

"You got it."

The dog stretched vertically, past the height of the castle, and disappeared into the sky. Every so often, he could be seen dropping back down to the ground, always in a new spot, dragging a cloudy ladder along with him. The two women remained at the castle entrance, directing workflow.

Princess Bubblegum's scheduling was impeccable; despite there being a million moving parts, the party came together and was ready to begin right at noon, as planned. She signalled to Jake, and the dog ran back to Mt. Cragdor to get the man of the hour.

* * *

"FINN! FINN—WAKE UP!"

The dog's voice bounced around the cave, drilling into the human's skull.

"Huh...what's goin' on?" he stammered, sitting up in his sleep sack.

Jake elongated his arms and got to work—he pulled the bedding off Finn and helped him stand, then gathered his usual articles of clothing. The hero rubbed the sleep from his eyes, still clearly confused.

"Seriously, Jake—what's going on? Is...is someone in trouble?! Did GOLB return—did something happen to—"

"Dude, relax! You don't know what day it is?"

"Er…" He scrunched his face. "Is it...uh…"

"It's your _birthday_!" the dog screamed. "You're eighteen—you're a man now, brudda!"

"It is...I am? I am!"

The pair jumped in circles around the cavern.

"And there's a _party_!" Jake continued.

"What? Where?!"

"At the Candy Kingdom, of course. And it's not just _any_ party...it's the Party of the Century!" His arms wriggled over his head, as loose as noodles. "Wooooo!"

"Aw yeah!" the human reciprocated. Again, they danced around absentmindedly, flailing their arms and whooping at their own resounding echoes.

"C'mon, everyone's waiting. We've gotta get you ready."

In a matter of minutes, Finn was dressed. He threw his pack on and slid his Night Sword into place. He hopped on his brother's back and the dog made his second journey from the compound, back toward the candied city-state.

This time, however, his foot didn't come crashing down beside Breakfast Princess. Sometime that morning, she'd woken up and left the compound. In fact, the trail of princesses was gone altogether—as if driven by some primal force, all the women had set aside their exhaustion and shuffled their way to the Candy Kingdom, to the human's party. They weren't going to miss their chance.

* * *

When the famous duo arrived, the party-goers erupted in cheers. Already, the kingdom was overflowing with guests—convoys of citizens from the Fire, Goblin, Slime, Breakfast, Grocery, Wildberry, and Hot Dog kingdoms were pouring into the city gates. They too applauded for Finn's entrance.

Jake passed over the crowds and made his way to the castle, using the houses below as stepping stones. At the main entrance, he shrank once more and set his brother down gently beside him. Standing there, as they had been all morning, were Bubblegum and Marceline. The former was holding a microphone, evidently preparing to declare the celebration begun. At the sight of her hero, she smiled brightly and pulled a wrapped present from behind her back.

"Oh, Finn!" she said. "Happy Birthday!" She and Marcy engulfed the human in a hug—their embrace lingered a little longer than he'd expected. "I want you to open my gift first."

She handed him the box.

"Prubs, you shouldn't have…" he said, being more polite than honest.

He tore the paper off and revealed the present: a new robotic arm. It looked just like his previous one, gray and glimmering. His excitement was genuine as he took the prosthetic from its box and donned it.

"Shmowzow—it's _awesome_! Thanks, Peebles."

They hugged again, then she said, "Don't let its appearance fool you; it's got plenty of new gadgets and functions—even more than the last one. I'll walk you through 'em later."

"I got you a gift too," Marcy said. "But...it'll have to wait till tonight."

Bubblegum eyed the vampire, silently demanding a little more subtlety from her partner, then resumed her position at the front of the castle steps. She tapped the microphone lightly, testing the sound system.

"Welcome all," she said, "to the Party of the Century!" The kingdom shook with a flood of applause. "We're here today to celebrate a hero—perhaps the greatest hero Ooo has ever known—on his eighteenth birthday! Everyone, let's give a warm welcome to Finn Mertens!" The proceeding cheers managed to eclipse the last round, and the ground itself seemed to quake in turn. "Let the party begin!"

The various sounds of festivity coalesced into a steady roar of noise—thousands of conversations, dozens of carnival games, and several live bands overlapped and blended together. Colored spotlights burst to life and swung across the clouds. The light reflected from the white sheet, immersing the buildings below in a gentle, shimmering glow. Between the beams, a streak of flames rushed back and forth—likely a fire person flying overhead. People continued piling into the city walls. Presents surfed the crowds and gathered at the main hall, directed and stored by a small army of Banana Guards. Another garrison of guards blocked the castle steps, protecting the group from an onslaught of eager fans.

"This is _insane_!" Finn cried through the commotion.

"This is for _you_, dude!" screamed Jake. "You've gotta get out there an' enjoy it!"

Bonnie and Marcy nodded along with the dog and gestured toward the streets before them. As the human moved to leave, the vampire pulled him back and kissed his cheek softly—something she hadn't done since he was a boy. The small gesture made him blush, and he went on as encouraged.

Jake waved goodbye and departed to find Lady Rainicorn.

Bubblegum leaned over and asked, "Did you check it out?"

"Yeah," Marceline responded. "They're here—all of 'em. Even the ones that ran through the Bad Lands last night."

The princess twiddled her thumbs nervously. "I don't think we should wait. Let's pull him aside early."

"You worry too much, Bon Bon. They'll never find him in these crowds."

"But if they do?"

"He'll shrug 'em off, like I said." Her reassurances didn't seem to convince. "Alright, alright. I'll keep an eye on 'im. If I see anything fishy, we can swoop in. Have a room ready."

"I already do."


	3. Skeleton Princess

Making his way through the hordes of fans was both exciting and frustrating. The party-goers were all desperate to shake his hand, give him a hug, take a picture, or simply touch the human in passing. Someone even tried to steal the bearskin hat off his head. Nevertheless, their gratitude was humbling—years prior, he'd have never anticipated this much popularity. It outweighed that of Billy, even at his prime. Truly, Finn had become the greatest hero in Ooo.

Eventually, the Banana Guards stepped in and thinned the crowd. He was able to reach the carnival games that adorned the streets, and he eagerly stepped in line to play one. The queue, seeing who had joined, immediately dissolved ahead of him. He shrugged it off and proceeded forward. The people previously waiting now watched him—they seemed happier to observe him than play the games themselves. Still, the human encouraged them to join in.

He wandered between the games, booths, and stands, engaging with his admirers and spending time with anyone that happened to be around him. Having spent years traversing Ooo, most were familiar faces to him—though he managed to find several people he'd never seen before. Then, he ran into someone he knew well—or, at least, had rescued more than once.

Skeleton Princess was standing in his path, unmoving. She seldom spoke (Finn suspected she couldn't speak, actually) so, despite her eerie silence, he assumed she was trying to wish him a happy birthday.

"Hey..._you_," he said. He regretted having never learned her name.

As expected, she remained mute.

"Thanks for coming," he tried. "I'll—uh...I'll see you around, then."

The human attempted to walk past, but she stepped over to block him.

"Oh, did you wanna, er...play a game or, uh…"

As he racked his brain, trying to guess her intentions, the princess fell forward. He reached out and caught her. SP's face was devoid of emotion, as it always was. Her body was cold and unwelcoming. Any indication of life had fled her person long ago. In fact, she seemed more dead than some of the truly dead people he'd met before—Ghost Princess, the inhabitants of the Underworld, even the corpses Marceline would reanimate...all were more lively than _her_. He found her presence rather unnerving and, holding her now, he was incredibly uncomfortable.

It only made things worse when she kissed him. Well, it was as close to a kiss as she could manage. The skeleton leaned her head up and pressed her dilapidated teeth to his lips. Finn was frozen with shock. She twisted her neck back and forth, raking her yellowed jaw against his skin. Her boney digits dug into his back in what was meant to be a passionate embrace, though it felt more like torture.

Finally, the human mustered the courage to break away. He yelped in fear and threw her arms aside, then hopped backwards. Skeleton Princess' black, empty eyes glared at him, though he couldn't tell what they were feeling. As much as it pained him to disappoint a princess, he knew there was no mending this situation. And so he offered a rushed, vague apology and took off in a new direction. Looking over his shoulder, he saw her still standing as she was, completely motionless. Then, ever so slowly, she slumped her shoulders and stared to the ground in defeat.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

**Sorry it's a short chapter, but I'm thinking about breaking the story up princess-by-princess for a while. Each chapter will detail how one of the women attempts to get with Finn during the party.**

**If there's any confusion, Skeleton Princess is also known as Zombie Princess. She's the one that...looks like a skeleton. She doesn't really have much screen time. I'm going by a request to use more B-list princesses, so I figured I'd burn through the less characterized ones first. The ones we're more familiar with (Breakfast P, Wildberry P, Slime P, hell maybe even LSP) will get longer, more interesting chapters. If ever you don't remember a character, just consult the wiki. I double check it to make sure I'm using the proper names anyway, so everything should match up over there.**

**Please let me know how you like the story so far. How's my writing? How can I improve? Reviews are always appreciated. PMs are welcome too.**

**Feel free to leave suggestions for future chapters/stories as well. I'm going with the flow here; nothing much is planned ahead. If there's something or someone you'd like to make an appearance, just let me know! If I like it, I'll work it into the narrative.**

**As always, thanks for reading!**


	4. Slime Princess

Guilt-ridden and mildly traumatized, Finn sought a distraction. Nearby, a song was becoming distinct from the noise of the party; he was approaching one of the live performances. The human was funneled to the stage by the listeners—the mass of people parted and practically ushered him forward. There, singing above them, was Death himself.

The cosmic being screamed into his microphone and played his preferred instrument: the drums. His song wasn't much to the hero's liking, but he was held firmly in place by the dense crowd. During a brief reprieve in the melody, Death glanced down, spotted him, and offered a friendly nod. Finn wondered if he was here by Marcy or Peppermint Butler's invitation. Both were good friends of the reaper.

When he'd finished his set, Death stepped forward and thanked his audience, then abandoned the stage in a gush of black smoke. Finally, Finn was free to move as the group behind him diminished. He turned to leave and tripped. Something caught his leg, and he fell onto the ground roughly.

"Ugh—what the—"

"Oh, Finn! I'm so sorry."

He looked down and saw her: Slime Princess. His right foot was still buried in her face, though she didn't seem too bothered by it. After a moment, she pulled away and released him, then resumed her normal shape.

"I just wanted to wish you a happy birthday," she said kindly.

"Thanks, SP. Enjoying the party?"

"Absolutely. Although...it _is _hard to get around. And I can't really see much at my height. Would...would you mind carrying me for a while?"

Her acting was sufficient to fool the hero. He gladly obliged; he set the princess on his shoulder. They walked around together and took in the scenery. The light show above them had gotten more energetic. Party Pat's voice echoed from the center of town—it sounded like he was organizing a rap battle. Lady Rainicorn, with Jake on her back, flew circles around the castle and colored the clouds above them. The same flame person was still gliding about as well; their trail outshone the spotlights they passed. All the while, Slime Princess snuggled closer and closer against Finn's head.


	5. Engagement Ring Princess

Slime Princess had only been with Finn for ten minutes when her plan was interrupted. As they made their way to the Monster, where Party Pat's rap battle was underway, another acquaintance appeared: Engagement Ring Princess.

She leapt at them from the crowd ahead, waving frantically. Her appearance was still disheveled from her travels the night before, but she saw that as an advantage.

"Thank Glob I found you, Finn!" she cried. "I need your help! It's an emergency!"

The hero sprung into action and unsheathed his sword.

"How can I help?" he asked confidently.

"Come with me, _please_!"

She grabbed his robotic hand and pulled him along. The change in direction threw SP from his shoulder. He looked back to apologize but she was already out of sight. ERP guided him the opposite way he'd been going—away from the rap battle. Everyone else, however, was eager to witness the event.

The outskirts of the kingdom became sparsely occupied as the party-goers were drawn toward the center. It was through these nearly-empty streets that they ran until they came upon a deserted alleyway. They were in the bad part of town, someplace Jake would have frequented years ago. Finn never questioned her distress—this was a prime location for crime to occur.

"In there," she said, suddenly much calmer.  
He stepped ahead of her, weapon at the ready, but found nothing disquieting.

He turned to face her and asked, "Uh...what's the problem, again?"

She said nothing. She smirked at him, as though proud of her scheme. She placed herself to block his exit.

"Y-you said there was an emergency. ERP, what's the emer—"

"There's no emergency, Finn," she said softly. "I'm just...so _lonely_. I need a _hero_."

She started to approach. Her stride was fearless and evocative. Her eyes never shifted; her gaze was fixed solely on him. Something about her behavior was distressing, though the human couldn't quite pin it. Nevertheless, he followed his instincts and backed away.

"Let me give you your present," she cooed.

He recognized her tone, her gate, her attitude...it was a common dungeon trap. The 'Honey Pot', Jake called it. An alluring figure would appear—usually a beautiful woman—and she'd be unnaturally interested, aroused even. Then, when you were vulnerable, she'd transform into a beast, rob you, or kill you. He experienced it firsthand in The Dungeon of the Crystal Eye and rightly avoided it in Joshua's Dungeon.

Finn wasn't prepared to abandon his training now; he treated the princess—or what was disguised to look like her—as a threat.

"Finn, what's wrong?" she asked, pouting for effect.

"I'm not falling for this. I know what comes next. You'd better back up or I'mma use this." He slashed the Night Sword through empty air.

"You...you don't _want_ to…" she faltered. She expected hesitation but not outright refusal. "I'll be _gentle_—I—I just—I wanna have some _fun_."

His guard remained intact. They were stuck in a stalemate. Finn was defensive, uncertain of what this fiend wanted. Engagement Ring Princess was confused, clueless as to why the hero so adamantly declined sex.

Then an impulsive thought ran through her mind. They were alone—not only was the alley unoccupied, but the street beyond it had emptied. She decided to fast track her pursuit. The princess gripped the top of her tattered dress and started to pull it down.

"What—w-what a-are you d-doing?" the hero stammered.

She offered a sly smile in response.

The garment fell to her waist, exposing her bare chest. Finn yelped with surprise and lost focus. He lowered his sword and stared, completely entranced. Her bosom was nothing impressive, but it was the first time he'd seen a woman topless. As she giggled, her small breasts bounced ever so lightly, her nipples swayed and caught his eye...it was hypnotic.

A voice screamed in the back of his mind, telling him to overcome the distraction, to avoid the trap. It faded from recognition the longer he stared. A little part of him felt this just might be worth dying for.

She didn't stop there; she pushed the dress further down until it slipped past her thighs. Without pause, she slipped her thumbs into the waistband of her panties and worked to remove them as well.

Their moment was cut off by a blinding light from above. The fire person descended from the sky, barreling toward their alley. It landed between them and reformed. It was Flame Princess. She took a moment to catch her breath.

"Thank Glob I found you!" she said, looking at Finn. "I've been searching all day—you can't see _anyone_ in those crowds! I finally spotted you when those people cleared out...I've got something important to tell you and—"

She turned to identify who else was present and immediately recoiled at the sight of ERP, who was now fully naked. The hero, who still didn't seem to notice FP's presence, leaned to the side and peered past her, his mouth hanging agape.

Phoebe rolled her eyes and expanded to block his view.

"Get outta here, ya tranch!" she screamed at Engagement Ring Princess.

She hurriedly re-dressed and ran off—there was no telling what an enraged Fire Elemental would do. Once she was gone, Phoebe resumed her normal form.

"_That_ is what I've gotta talk to you about," she said.

He shook his head, as though recovering from a trance. "W-what's goin' on?"

"Finn, they want to use you—the princesses. They had some kind of pact or, like, a law even. They weren't allowed to date you or...y'know...do anything _else_ with you until you turned eighteen. And now they're all going crazy—they're fighting over you."

The human couldn't help but smile at the news. Never before had this been a problem (or blessing, rather) for him. Usually, he was the one to seek a partner—and he was always turned down. After all this time, it wasn't because of him...they _had_ to turn him down. And now...now he could have anyone he wanted!

All his past crushes rushed through his mind. The thought of Bubblegum lingered...was this the reason she always turned him away? But she was with Marceline now...surely she wouldn't still be interested. Then the vampire lingered...was she bound by this agreement too?

"So, like, who exactly is comin' after me?" he asked excitedly. "Who's involved? Is it just princesses, or could Queens be—"

She scoffed. "This isn't a game, Finn. I'm serious—they'll tear you apart. You've gotta be careful."

"Yeah, but I need to know who's a threat if I'm being careful," he said. "Right?"

"_Everybody_," she said, a hint of jealousy in her voice.

"Even you?"

She gave him a contemptuous glare. "Are you even upset? They made rules about you behind your back."

He shrugged.

"_Ugh_...c'mon Finn! You can't seriously be considering…"

The smile was yet to leave his face. "Why not? It _is_ my birthday, after all. What's the harm?"

Flame Princess didn't know what reaction she'd expected...but it wasn't this. She was a little hurt, having gone out of her way to warn him. And now he threw it in her face. Before she could lose her temper, Phoebe backed away and ascended from the alley, then flew off toward the Fire Kingdom.

Finn was left behind, still grinning, having not yet realized his ex had departed. When he finally did, he was no less happy. If FP was upset, he could mend things later. For now, he wanted to explore this golden opportunity.

The human strutted from the alley toward the town center, eager to make-out with some princesses—unaware that his suitors wanted much, much more of him.

* * *

Meanwhile, a bat fluttered from the alleyway carrying a little umbrella. It rushed over top the busy streets and glided into a window of the castle. There, it dropped its source of shade and transformed back into the Vampire Queen.

"He's into it!" she cried.

Bubblegum smiled giddily.

"No—he's into _all_ of it," she clarified. "He's not gonna push the others away any more. We've gotta get 'im in here fast."


	6. Muscle Princess

It seemed that the whole kingdom was engrossed by the ongoing rap battle. Lady and Jake had landed on the side of the castle to spectate. Even those in the Cloud Kingdom were watching intently through gaps in their wispy floor. The audience was densely packed; Finn couldn't see the performance from where he now stood.

As he'd made his way back, Engagement Ring Princess was nowhere to be found. She'd either squeezed her way through the onlookers or had abandoned the party altogether. He was a little disappointed that her present was interrupted; he was hoping to have a second chance after FP left.

Nevertheless, his good mood persisted. He wandered the edge of the crowd. As luck would have it, he quickly ran into another princess—or Queen, rather. Unfortunately, she wouldn't have been his first choice...and she was otherwise occupied.

Lumpy Space Queen was fervently kissing Lemongrab. She had him pinned against a nearby house, her lumps holding him in place. Finn shuddered at the sight, remembering that night he'd shared with her long ago. For the first time, he felt bad for the Earl.

The human quickly altered his course to avoid them. He walked softly, so as not to alert LSQ that he was nearby, then ran when he'd reached a sufficient distance. He didn't get far.

He slammed into what felt like a brick wall, and fell backwards onto the candy sidewalk in pain. Upon closer inspection, he realized what he'd hit: Muscle Princess. She stood tall over him, her hands planted firmly on her hips, a self-assured grin stretched across her face.

"Oh hi there, Finn," she said in her deep, strained voice. Despite her evident intentions, she seemed to be playing coy. "Happy Birthday!"

"Th-thanks MP," he stammered. He couldn't help but feel intimidated. Muscle Princess could overpower him easily—suddenly Flame Princess' warning seemed less absurd. "I-it's good t-to see you," he continued. "I'm, uh...I'm gonna go...find Jake now."

"I don't think so. You're comin' with me."

She plucked him from the ground as though he weighed nothing, then tucked him securely under her arm. In this hold, he struggled to breathe. His vision was limited; his face was pressed firmly against her hard chest. He flailed his legs to no avail. He couldn't even manage to move his arms. Any noise he made was feeble—his empty lungs provided little air to work with—and was immediately sequestered against her side.

"Don't worry, we're gonna have a _good_ time," she chuckled. "You'll learn to love me."

Already they were nearing the drawbridge. Her stride was long, her pace quick—in a few short seconds, they'd be outside the Candy Kingdom. Away from any help...away from any witnesses. Finn pushed against her with all his might, until his face glowed red and his limbs ached. He couldn't budge her. In fact, she didn't even notice he'd been trying.

An arrow came whistling from outside the city. It lodged itself in the princess' other arm.

"Argh! What the—"

Muscle Princess dropped him and pulled the projectile from her flesh. The damage was superficial, but apparently painful.

"Who did this?" she demanded, calling out into the candy woods. "Show yourself or I'll—hey! Finn!"

As soon as he'd hit the ground, the hero scrambled to safety. Arduously, he crawled back toward the castle and, once the blood had returned to his legs, he stood and took off in a sprint.

"Get back here!" Her voice was fading quickly; she wasn't following him.

Not yet, at least.

He didn't look back to check. He continued running until he reached the crowd, then he pressed his way between the party-goers. Those who saw him let him pass. Those who didn't were hurriedly shoved aside.

Once he was sufficiently hidden in the audience, he slowed down and caught his breath. He wondered who he could turn to now—who wouldn't be after him? Jake, surely...but he was still with Lady atop the castle. He could never reach him. Flame Princess was long gone. Bubblegum and Marceline weren't guaranteed; they could be after him as well.

It seemed his only ally was the archer. But who shot the arrow?

* * *

**Author's Note:**

**It feels like these chapters are getting a little repetitive. Sorry about that. I wanted to get as many of the lesser princesses in here as possible, but I think I'm gonna have to move on. I'll see if I can work 'em in later. I have some good ideas for subsequent chapters. Some lemons, some not.**

**Let me know what you think. How can I improve my writing? Reviews are always appreciated.**

**Feel free to leave suggestions for how the story should go. There's lots of leeway to work with; I'll definitely add anything I find interesting.**

**As always, thanks for reading!**


	7. Marceline the Vampire Queen

Just then, the noise of the party died down. The PA system—the one Bubblegum had used earlier—crackled to life, and all the crowds hushed in anticipation. The distinctive voice of the Vampire Queen sounded through the speakers:

"How's everyone doin' this afternoon?"

She was met with deafening applause. The people screamed and clapped as though her question had rendered their existence perfect.

"Alright!" she shouted with forced enthusiasm. Marceline's stage presence was normally more mysterious than effervescent; something seemed off to the hero. "Where's the birthday boy—excuse me, birthday _man_? Let's get Finn up on the stage!"

The party-goers whooped and hollered in agreement. He hunched over, trying to make himself smaller.

"Finn? You out there?" the vampire asked, keeping up her false bubbly demeanor. "He's too modest. Everybody look around. If you see Finnie, give 'im a little push this way."

He crouched lower. The listeners weren't hesitant to obey; everyone twisted and turned, searching for the human.

"Huh?" The naive voice of a candy citizen came from behind him. "Finn? Is that you?" It sounded like a Banana Guard.

He grimaced and refused to look back, hoping they'd give up.

"Over here!" the guard called. "I found Finn! I FOUND FINN!"

Before he could flee, the group was shoving him along as instructed. He pleaded with those he passed, but no one acknowledged his reluctance. He let his body go limp, making himself dead weight, thinking they'd struggle to keep him moving. In response, they lifted him over their heads and passed him onward.

Finn involuntarily surfed the crowd all the way to the main stage. As he went, he continued to fight the current as best he could. It was futile. Marceline hovered above the wooden platform, wearing one of her concealing daytime outfits. Her axe bass was slung over her shoulder. She floated about lazily, tossing her microphone up and catching it as it fell. Then she saw him coming.

"There we go!" she called triumphantly. "Everybody, Finn the Human!"

Their cheers were booming. He clawed at the sides of his head, trying to cover his ears through his hat. His carriers threw him forward enthusiastically. Their precision was as one would expect of a group of strangers operating together with no prior planning: god awful. Finn hit the stage with the grace of a cadaver, neither willing nor prepared to be tossed. He landed on his shoulder and rolled onto his back.

Above him hovered Marceline, who wore a devilish grin.

She aimed her microphone elsewhere and asked, "You okay?" Her tone, now that she spoke privately, was much more familiar. For a moment, he felt she wasn't in on the hunt...but the hungry look in her eye gave her away.

"Y-yeah," he said, almost fearful to speak.

"Lemme help you."

She lifted him to his feet. The ease with which she handled him exceeded that of Muscle Princess. It was obvious—that the Vampire Queen would be far stronger—but given the circumstances, it seemed a revelation to the hero. If she wanted, Marcy would have her way with him. It was only a matter of time.

Speaking to the audience once more, she said, "_Okay_, I'd like to dedicate this song to Ooo's _favorite_ hero." She pulled the human in close and wrapped an arm around him. "Happy Birthday, Finn."

The vampire kissed him on the cheek once more, and he blushed. She returned the mic to its stand and held her bass at the ready, then proceeded with her performance. As usual, her music was astounding—not that Finn could enjoy it.

The whole time she sang, he was distracted, watching her every move, looking for an escape path. She was fast—faster than sound if properly motivated. He needed to be stealthy, but she never let him leave her line of sight.

He looked to the audience. Everyone watched him expectantly, as though waiting for some grandiose reaction. Down in front, he saw Simon and B-MO, the latter sitting on the former's head. Both looked thrilled and waved hello. He found his window.

Finn could feel Marceline's piercing gaze as he neared the edge of the stage. He sat on the lip, letting his legs hang over the side, prepared to drop and run if need-be. Even through the absurd noise, he could hear the little robot speaking:

"Finn! Finn! Happy Birthday!" it squealed, pivoting its little arms wildly.

"Yes, Happy Birthday!" Simon said in turn.

The melody faded; the song was over. A bead of sweat trickled down the human's temple. He could feel the vampire approaching. He didn't hesitate—he slipped over the edge gracelessly, faltered when he hit the ground below, and heaved his way through the mass of people. Confused, they were slow to move out of his way. He dropped to his hands and knees, and crawled through their legs at a greater pace.

Behind him, the Vampire Queen abandoned her bass and dove forward in an attempt to grab his shirt, missing only by an inch. She growled with frustration.

"Marcy?" Simon asked, concerned. "What's going on?"

"Not now," she grumbled. "I'll explain later."

She shot the pair a smile to quell any worry, then flew after Finn.

Her senses were impeccable; despite the many obstacles between them, he was as apparent to her as the sky itself. Like a bird of prey, she climbed high above her target, watching and waiting for an opening—a gap between the party-goers. Finally, one such spot presented itself.

Marceline dove nimbly into the sea of onlookers and plucked the hero from beneath them without missing a beat. The maneuver was so skillful and swift, Finn didn't even realize he'd been caught until he was hovering 20 feet higher. His abductor grinned at him, pleased with herself. She rolled onto her back and pulled him over top, then released her grip.

They gained a little more altitude and rested within the floor of the Cloud Kingdom, obscured from the people below but still separated from those above—Marcy wanted her privacy.

He was made to sit on her abdomen such that they could view each other. She folded her hands behind her head and crossed her legs, easing into a relaxed position. The human struggled to maintain his balance—the Queen purposefully induced some turbulence. He reached out to grab something, anything to hold on to, then paused. In his position, he could only reach her thighs and her chest. She watched eagerly, waiting for him to touch her in a manner unfamiliar. When his hesitancy persisted, she offered some more motivation.

Her body angled downward, her feet rising closer to the Cloud Kingdom. The shift was so sudden, Finn had no choice. He tumbled forward and threw his arms around her, holding on for dear life. His face was pressed against her bosom, and his legs were wrapped firmly around her own. She evened out and chuckled.

"Oh, Finnie. If you wanted to feel 'em you only had to ask."

He sat up and realized what she meant. His cheeks burned red.

"No! I mean—Glob, I didn't—I don't—"

The vampire pulled off her top, exposing her breasts. She released the garment and it fluttered away in the breeze. Against his better judgement, he let himself stare. They were beautiful. They were much larger than Engagement Ring Princess'. As she was laying on her back, they rested against her ribs. Finn didn't expect them to be so...soft. Soft enough to change shape like that. He wanted to reach out and feel them, explore them...taste them. Her nipples were hard in the cool air. They looked so palatable he began to salivate.

There was something soothing to the sight. As though years of curiosity had been instantly sated. He'd spent countless evenings with her, having jam sessions, watching movies, or just goofing off. More often than not, she'd be wearing something tight or revealing. He couldn't help but look. She'd wear a tank top, something a size too small for her frame, and hover overhead, leaning forward...how could he not peek? And now he suspected it was all deliberate; she'd been teasing him, making him want her.

When he'd seen her undressed in the bathroom that one dreaded day, he'd only seen her from behind. Was that intentional as well? The picture—burned in his mind ever since—was certainly striking...but he still yearned to see the front. And now he had. He smiled involuntarily.

"Like what you see?" she cooed. She sat up, easing Finn onto her lap. Her bosom pressed against his chest, her face lined up with his, and she wrapped her arms around him, holding him near. "I'm all yours, Finnie. Let's go back to the castle and I'll give you your _present_."

Her lips were tantalizingly close to his own. His apprehension gave way to lust, and he kissed her deeply. She reciprocated, her serpentine tongue pressing its way into his mouth. The sensation was startling but he decided he enjoyed it. She moaned softly, enjoying the flavor of human. Marceline had never tasted one—not even at the height of vampires in early Ooo—and this was as close as she'd come. It initiated something primal in her; she couldn't resist him. She needed more.

A thunderous howl sounded from the Cloud Kingdom above. The sound was unmistakable: it was the Party God. Neither paid the noise any attention—in fact, neither even noticed it. They were too preoccupied, busied with one another. But what followed couldn't be ignored.

The enormous wolf head plunged through the wispy fog just beside them, making its way to the Candy Kingdom below. The tunnel he formed was open to the sky—it flooded the duo with raw sunlight. Marceline shrieked in pain and shot away from the gap. Finn was thrown free in her haste, and he began to fall.

She moved to catch him but an arrow, shot from the new opening, caught her between her shoulder blades. Though it hurt, the injury was minor for a vampire. She shook the projectile free and searched for her aggressor. A hooded figure fled into the crowded dance floor above. Marcy couldn't follow.

The Queen made herself invisible and plunged back to the Candy Kingdom. Through the dense cloud cover, the light of day wasn't deadly, merely uncomfortable. Her back stung as she examined the party-goers, looking for Finn. He was nowhere to be found.

She reasoned that he was okay. There'd be a commotion where he landed, and she didn't spot any such disturbance. Someone caught him—likely another princess. The exposure was becoming irritating. She sighed and headed back to the castle.

Marceline glided in through the window and made herself visible once more. An expectant Bubblegum was still waiting there. Seeing the state of her girlfriend, she gasped.

"Oh my Glob, Marcy! What happened?"

The vampire's skin was still seared, her breasts blackened by the damage. They would heal shortly, but the pain—especially in areas as sensitive as her nipples—was extraordinary. Bonnibel winced, knowing full well how bad it must hurt.

"I had 'im. I had Finn, and I mean I _had_ him. We were on our way back when Party God...no, it must'a been that bitch."

"Who?"

"Someone put him up to it—Party God opened a hole in the clouds. There's somebody else in play, Bonnie."

"Well, yeah. There's, like, _thirty_ other princesses after Finn."

"No, I mean another somebody—a non-princess. She shot an _arrow_ at me."

They looked at one another in understanding. Their competition extended beyond royalty.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

**Sorry for the short delay, I took the weekend off. As you can probably tell, I've decided to incorporate HW as a few of you suggested. The story is still vague moving forward (there's plenty of leeway for changes) so feel free to provide suggestions. If I like any, I'll definitely incorporate them however I can.**

**Let me know how I'm doing. How can I improve? Reviews are always appreciated.**

**As always, thanks for reading!**


	8. Bounce House Princess

Finn fell with no expectation of survival. He saw Marceline recoil midair, turn to follow him, then cringe once more. Something struck her from above the clouds. And it was too late. His back to the ground, he wasn't sure how long he had left to fall—but he knew the end was near.

To his surprise, he collided with a flexible surface. It gave way to his momentum and tore, and he dropped another few feet. He found himself in some rubbery room. The floor was pliable and elastic; it bobbed underneath him, still settling from his impact. He was surrounded by jarringly bright colors. For a moment, he was at a loss—the setting seemed entirely unfamiliar. His mind composed itself, analyzed the scene again, and he realized: he was inside Bounce House Princess.

He'd ripped right through the top of her head and landed within her. Considering the noises she was making, she was as surprised as he. She shouted for help, but her tone seemed more scared than pained. He wondered if the damage hurt her at all. Emotionally speaking, it certainly did; BHP was a sensitive soul. Even before her accident a couple years prior—being punctured and deflated by a wandering porcupine—and her subsequent months of painstaking recovery, she was often afflicted with neuroticism. But who could blame her? Not only was she, perhaps, the most fragile princess in Ooo, but she was the size of a small house. Those two qualities didn't compliment each other, and danger was inevitable. Even still, being injured by falling people wasn't to be expected. It'd be weeks before she worked up the courage to go outdoors again.

All these thoughts ran through the human's mind as he eased himself into a sitting position and, very gradually, a standing one. She should have been the least of his worries, given the circumstances, but it seemed as good a distraction as any. After GOLB, he didn't like to dwell on his own mortality—and having nearly unceremoniously dropped to his death moments ago...it was best to dismiss it altogether. And so he focused on the stress of the princess who'd (involuntarily) saved him.

"Bounce House Princess, are you okay?" he asked meekly. "Can I—is there anything I can do to help?"

At the sound of his voice, her cries ceased. "Oh, Finn...it's _you_," she said, suddenly calm. "No, no, I'm okay. I had no idea it was _you_. Why, just having a hero _inside me_ makes it all worth it."

He blushed. "Well, I still think we should get you looked at. I'm gonna go for help. We'll have you sewn back together in no time."

He stepped over to the exit and attempted to push her flaps aside. They wouldn't budge.

"BHP?" he said. "I, uh...why aren't you…"

"I think I'd prefer it if you stayed."

The hunt. He'd completely forgotten. The netted walls of her body bent inwards, ushering him toward her center. She let out some air to shrink. He was surrounded on all sides, her excess fabric folded towards him, lightly caressing his body. Below, her rubbery floor sagged and clenched at his feet, holding him in place. Above, her split ceiling—his only means of escape—was still too high to reach. He was trapped.

The edges of her quasi-limbs curled and inched their way between he and his clothes. Simultaneously, his shirt was being lifted off, his shorts were being lowered, and the princess was delicately exploring that which she'd exposed. He'd had enough. Though it violated his moral code, he drew the Night Sword.

She was blind to what happened inside her, so he said, "BHP, I have my sword." She paused. "I'm warning you, I'll use it!"

She remained still, though she didn't retreat; it seemed she was judging his tone, determining whether it was a bluff. To drive his point home, he slid the broad side of his blade against her floor slowly, so as not to startle her. She shuddered at its touch and immediately withdrew. Her folds fled as far from him as they could reach and her form re-inflated to its full capacity. The exit flaps burst open, inaudibly demanding his leave, and he obliged.

He eagerly evacuated and turned to his captor. She evaded his gaze, her cheeks bright red. He couldn't tell if she was embarrassed or scared—either way, he didn't want to stick around.

"I...I'm sorry," Finn said.

He meant it, though he didn't regret his threat. Bounce House Princess ignored his apology. The hero fixed his clothes, placed his weapon in its sheath, then rushed back into the crowded streets of the Candy Kingdom.


	9. Princess Bubblegum

Finn laid low, avoiding interaction as much as possible. Following Marceline's performance, the party-goers spread out once more. The live music moved upstairs to the Cloud Kingdom and a considerable amount of people followed. Travel became much simpler but, with the thinned crowds, he knew he'd be more susceptible to detection. He wished he had some trimmers, some molasses...Davey would be a Glob-send.

Instead, he resorted to removing his hat and tying his hair back. He altered the pitch of his voice. He removed his pack and stuffed it under the front of his shirt, which was no easy task with the Night Sword in place. If properly positioned, the blade could fit entirely under the garment without hurting him, but its hilt pressed into his collarbone. He ignored the discomfort; the disguise was worth it.

The camouflage wasn't perfect. Any of the princesses would recognize him if given a second to examine. His metal arm alone would give him away. He tried to remove the prosthetic and hide it in his backpack, but it refused to come off. It was as though it embedded itself in his skin. Finn assumed it was one of PB's added functions; the last one did fall off on occasion.

To compensate, the hero hid in the nooks and crannies of the kingdom—in back alleys, behind dumpsters, on rooftops, anywhere he felt he wouldn't be readily seen. He decided his best bet was Jake. He hadn't seen the dog since he and Lady had landed on the castle, but he had to be around somewhere. He'd find him sooner or later and, when he did, he'd have his brother stretch the pair to safety.

Finn's original plan was to simply leave on his own, but complications presented themselves. Strangely, the Banana Guards had taken up post at the drawbridge—they weren't there when Muscle Princess kidnapped him. Additionally, they'd started marching along the perimeter wall and through the most heavily-trafficked streets. When he made for the exit, a guard stopped him and said the party was under lock-down. Things were getting weirder by the minute. None of the other party-goers seemed aware of the lock-down—not that any had tried to depart. He attempted to pry more information from the naive sentry but abandoned the effort when he started receiving stares. The guards weren't bright, but he didn't want to risk being identified.

And so, the human found himself ducking into yet another alley as the sun dropped toward the horizon. The low light of evening assisted his cause. Things had been so uneventful for the past few hours, he wondered if the women had given up. He sat on the candy pavement, carefully obscured behind a stack of old crates, and let himself relax. The party itself seemed to sympathize—the concert upstairs quieted between songs and the foot traffic slowed. And one of those rare, comfortable moments of fleeting silence came to be.

Then, a noise. A subtle noise. One that would otherwise be obscured by the roar of ceaseless merriment, and was quickly drowned out as the moment passed. It sounded like a little motor, somewhere nearby...in the alley. Normally, such a sound wouldn't have bothered him. But, after the day he had, everything set off his radar.

Finn scanned his surroundings, looking for the source of the noise. In the darkened recess of the alleyway, a little red light blinked at him. He shuffled closer and let his eyes adjust to the shadows...it was a camera. And it was aimed right at him.

His heart skipped a beat. He gulped audibly. Bubblegum was on her way. The hero recomposed himself and turned to run, only to discover his path was already blocked. Where the alley opened to the street, two Banana Guards stood, silhouetted by the light of the party. They were disconcertingly quiet. Their spears were held at the ready. The human attempted to reason with them, but they refused to communicate. He tried to grip the slick candy walls that blocked him in; he'd never be able to climb them. He was trapped yet again. Resigned to his fate, he relaxed on the ground once more and awaited the princess' arrival.

* * *

His wait was short. Minutes later, Princess Bubblegum's voice was heard:

"You're dismissed," she said sweetly.

As though pulled from a trance, the guards reclaimed their usual, childlike demeanor and walked off. PB took their place and cocked her head at the sight of the hero.

"Finn?"

"Yeah," he said sullenly, his voice returning to its natural timbre.

"What _happened_?" The princess crouched beside him, a concerned look on her face.

The cynic in him dismissed this entirely; he wasn't willing to be fooled again. But Bonnibel was nothing if not persuasive. No detail of her behavior suggested deception. He wondered, could she truly be uninvolved? Either way, he was at her mercy—he'd might as well cooperate.

"You didn't hear?"

"Hear what? Were you attacked?"

He couldn't help but laugh at the question. Not only did it seem so absurd—him being attacked by the very people he sought to protect—but it was an understatement to boot. He wasn't attacked; he was meticulously hunted.

"Y-yeah," he answered between chuckles. "The princesses—all of 'em. Marcy too. They've been after me all day."

"_The decree_...I forgot." She stared into empty space, remembering. "I...Finn, I'm so sorry, but it slipped my mind. There was an agreement between the royals that they couldn't—"

"I already know," he interjected. "Phoebe told me."

"And this," she said, pointing to his false gut, "was to disguise yourself?"

He nodded. She smiled. He suspected she was proud of his effort. Without speaking, the princess pulled his pack from under his shirt. She dug through it and found his hat, then placed it back on his head.

"I'm sorry about all the guards. It's just...you were missing. Nobody knew where you went. I saw you in the security feeds. Your arm gave you away. C'mon, let's get you cleaned up."

"_No_! I mean...no. I'm not going back out there."

"You're under _my_ protection now. The kingdom's on lock-down. We'll have a personal escort—Peps—and a whole garrison of bananas at all times. Let's go enjoy the party."

Her last words sounded regretful. He didn't consider it before, how much it must've hurt her. After she organized the Party of the Century in his honor, he hadn't even been able to appreciate it. He pushed his fears aside; he was going to have fun. For her.

* * *

Their first stop was the castle. Between his various hiding places, Finn had gotten fairly dirty, and Peebles insisted that he freshen up. As promised, the journey there was unexciting. Peppermint Butler marched ahead of them, a steely look on his face, ready to summon Death at a moment's notice. Thirty guards watched their flanks and rear. If any princesses were lurking, the display was enough to dissuade them from emerging.

Pressing their way through the main hall—which, at this point, was filled to the ceiling with gifts—was almost as difficult as moving through the crowds earlier in the day. Deeper in the castle, Bubblegum dismissed their convoy. She and Finn walked upstairs together alone. Even now, his alert was on high—he was ready for her attack, though it never came. Instead, she offered him a hug and directed him to her private bathroom.

He opted for a shower and the princess agreed. In the absence of her hostility, he suspected a subtler scheme would arise. Surely, at the very least, she'd try and watch him undress. No—Prubs politely stepped out of the room and shielded her eyes. She offered to have his outfit washed as well. He passed her each article of clothing as he stripped, and still she was diligent in maintaining his privacy. No wandering eyes, no misplaced hands, no demands...Princess Bubblegum truly was indifferent.

He sighed in relief as she left altogether, carrying his clothes to be laundered. Finn shut the bathroom door and stepped into the shower stall. It wasn't until the hot water hit him that he realized just how exhausted he was. Finally, he let himself be fully at ease.

* * *

Princess Bubblegum felt guilty. Her plan worked. She'd convinced the hero that she wasn't interested, and lured him into a secluded area. But worst of all, the hunt had ruined his birthday.

As she walked down the hall, head hung in shame, she convinced herself she was doing the right thing. It wasn't her fault the decree had been ratified. It wasn't her fault the other princesses behaved like animals. If anything, she was the righteous one in this situation. Unlike the others, she treated the human with respect. She was protecting him, keeping him secure in the castle. And her present would be caring and loving.

She sighed heavily and let herself into another room. It was just an old storage room—no one had entered it in ages—but it was were she told the vampire they'd rendezvous. As expected, Marceline hovered in the dark, waiting. When Bubblegum stepped in, tossed the clothes aside, and flicked on the light, she eagerly rushed over.

"Is he here?"

"Yeah," she said in a somber tone. "He's taking a shower as we speak."

The Queen licked her lips, aroused by the mere mention of Finn's nudity.

"How are your burns?"

"All healed," she said, pulling up her shirt to reveal her new skin. "I'm good to go. Let's get 'im."

She made for the door but the princess held her back.

"Not yet. Let him finish washing up."

Marcy examined her girlfriend's expression, suddenly grasping that something was off. Bonnibel avoided her eyes and stared at the floor.

"Bonnie? Are...are you alright?" No response. She lowered to her height and looked her square in the face, then placed a gentle hand on one cheek. "Bonnie, what's wrong?"

"I'm having second thoughts."

"About?"

"About _this_—tricking Finn. His party's already ruined, he's been fending off princesses all day, he's tired...Marcy, you should see him. He's a wreck."

"But he trusted _you_, didn't he? I'm tellin' ya, he's still into you. And you're not _attacking_ him, like those idiots. You're just...givin' him what he wants."

The princess didn't seem reassured. Marceline held her close and kissed her softly. Despite her remorse, Bonnie kissed back.

When they parted, she continued, "You go first. I'll take my turn later."

"Are you sure?"

She laughed. "Absolutely. You deserve him."

* * *

Bubblegum's heart raced as she approached the bathroom door. Though she no longer felt blameworthy, she still wanted to do this right—on his terms, with his permission. She knocked softly.

"Yeah?" came the hero's voice.

"Finn? It's me. May...may I come in?" she asked.

A few seconds of agonizing silence followed. Doubt flooded her mind. Thoughts of overstepping her boundaries, hurting the human, and alienating him for years to come flashed through her head. She took a deep breath and waited.

Then finally, he said, "Sure." His tone was calm.

She opened the door and stepped inside. The shower was still running. The glass door that separated them was fogged over, and she could see his silhouette leaning against the tiled wall, letting the water run through his long blonde hair. Her heart leapt at the sight. Her legs operated without instruction, drawing her nearer.

"Can I join you?"

The question shook him to his core. He recalled how he felt when Flame Princess told him what was going on—he'd thought of Bubblegum. She did want him after all...but she was asking, not taking. His newfound cynicism melted away at the request, and suddenly he found himself as he was years prior. A lonely hero in love with a beautiful princess.

"Y-yes," he said, just above a whisper.

As his adoration for Bubblegum returned, so did his nervousness. Not so much was different now than it was then, save for his age. He was still inexperienced, still unsure of how to behave around her. And he'd never been with a woman—anywhere beyond kissing, that is. When she slid the shower door open, he was inclined to cover himself. He felt inept, untried...but the way she stared at his body warmed him, and he let her look.

Bonnibel couldn't help but gawk. Finn had really grown up. His softer features had faded with time, revealing the toned body he'd built over years of adventure and safeguarding. She'd never realized humans could grow body hair. Countless times, she'd seen his golden locks, which he inexplicably hid in his bear skin hat (much to her disappointment), but she'd never seen him stripped bare. Across his chest, down his stomach, and alluringly framing his manhood was even more blonde hair. It was so bright, it blended in with his pale skin—at first glance, it might be overlooked entirely. But as he moved, it caught the light with a stunning glint, giving him an ethereal presence. For a moment, she was too intimidated to proceed.

The princess quickly abandoned her restraint and her clothes as well, and stepped under the water next to him. Finn watched her with similar euphoria. Her frame was exquisite, her legs long and inviting, her breasts ineffable. He found his erection instantly, and in the close quarters, his length pressed against her taut stomach. Bonnie's jaw dropped at the sight of it. The difference in size was incredible—she wondered if all humans were so handsomely gifted, or if he was unique. Regardless, it was all hers.

She eased herself onto her knees, dragging her hands slowly down the sides of his frame, and got a closer look.

"P-princ-cess, w-what are y-you doing?" he asked. His face glowed red. The way she examined him, he started to wonder if something was wrong.

Bubblegum smiled up at him and said, "I'm giving you your second present, silly boy."

The mention of his old moniker ignited something in him. Back then, it bothered him when she said it. Now, it seemed almost seductive. Like she too wanted to resume where they'd left off. Before Huntress. Before Phoebe.

Her lips pursed and time slowed. She lightly kissed the tip of his member, and electricity shot through him. She kissed him again. And again. Each soft touch drove him wild. She worked his length carefully and with precision, handling it as though it were some precious artifact to be inspected. Her fingertips caressed him lightly, feeling the texture of his skin. Learning of its softness and shape, where he might be most sensitive and where she needn't employ caution.

Then, seeming certain in herself, her back straightened. A hand wrapped around his member and gripped it firmly. Her eyes closed. Her lips parted. She leaned forward and took him in her mouth.

Finn gasped. If her kiss was electricity, this was a lightning storm. His muscles faltered; it took all his focus to merely remain standing. Following the initial shock, his body rejected the intense sensation as it would pain of a similar measure. He watched her work as though he were a spectator, and simply took pleasure in the scene before him. Then, very gradually, he let himself appreciate the feeling—the softness of her tongue and lips, the warmth of her breath, the pressure of her fingers, the gentle grazing of her teeth atop his length as she bobbed. It was a symphony of bliss. He closed his eyes as well and lost himself in the euphoria.

Meanwhile, someone else stood nearby and observed. The figure, as seen through the translucent door of the shower, was a tall and lean silhouette. Neither Finn nor Bubblegum noticed as it approached their stall, its footsteps masked by the sound of the pouring water. A single arrow levitated from its quiver and took aim.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

**A little Fubblegum going on. The hunt will continue though and, well...it's looking like Finn may be...raped. So yeah. There will be more B-list princess involvement and action, some of which will be against our hero's will.**

**Smiling Lemon, I'm sorry if you were hoping for consensual pairings. If so, I can always whip up a couple one-shots. Let me know.**

**Anyway, let me know what you think about the writing. Reviews and constructive criticism are always appreciated.**

**As always, thanks for reading!**


	10. Huntress Wizard

Huntress Wizard was perched on a tree branch in the Candy Forest. She stood out like a sore thumb in these pastel woods; she was accustomed to more organic tree-scapes, where things were more lively and far less sweet. But something called her here. The Party of the Century, as she'd heard it named, beckoned all of Ooo, herself included. She denied it, but her attraction to the event had little to do with its festivities, and everything to do with its guest of honor. Against her better judgement, she was still inexplicably drawn to Finn and, exceptional beasts though they were, she knew she may have been too hasty in dismissing the human.

And so she lied in wait for his arrival, hoping for the mere opportunity to see him among this chaos. Jake arrived at the kingdom, towering far over the sparse canopy above her. The wizard's trained eye saw him immediately; the hero was riding on the dog's back. The pair entered the city and joined the celebration. Still, despite her desire to see him, she couldn't bring herself to follow just yet.

Instead, she maintained her post and watched the masses flood across the drawbridge. As the minutes passed—as well as hundreds of party-goers—she began to notice a pattern. The royals of Ooo, namely the princess...many appeared disheveled or exhausted. Those that didn't still caught her attention, arriving at the party without their usual guards or escorts. Rather, they pressed their way along with the others, an anxious sway in their gate. Something strange was going on.

Before long, everyone had filed inside and the bridge stood empty. She leaped branch to branch, tree to tree, making her way toward the entrance. Then she saw something that managed to surprise her. Muscle Princess was fast approaching, a wriggling Finn pinned under her arm.

She clenched her teeth in anger and, without thinking, launched an arrow at the woman. Had the shot been calculated, MP would be dead. But the heedless projectile merely lodged itself in her shoulder. Nevertheless, it worked. She dropped Finn and the human scurried off. Even at his most vulnerable, he managed to entice Huntress. She bit her lip watching him leave—she couldn't help appreciating what she saw.

The wizard shook her head to clear the distraction. Still at the bridge, the princess screamed into the woods:

"Who did this?! Show yourself, or I'll—hey!"

She turned and, noticing her prey had escaped, fell to the ground with a sigh and started weeping. MP was still sulking there when Huntress left. The wizard couldn't help but laugh at such a weak-willed creature thinking it was suitable for Finn. Strong though she was, Muscle Princess could never match the hero's raw passion and unwavering constitution. HW smirked, knowing who just might.

* * *

Huntress Wizard stood upon a rooftop when Marceline took over the PA system. Instantly, she realized she had to gain height. The Vampire Queen had been lusting over Finn for years—that much she knew surely. The demon would lure him to the stage and, as soon as she could lay a hand on him, would fly off where no one could reach them.

By now, HW had figured out what was going on. At least, she understood the human was in danger. And she was intent on mitigating it. She told herself that her resolve wasn't based in jealousy—though she'd never been inclined to fire without aiming before today. Regardless, there was a hunt afoot. And she'd be damned if she didn't come out on top.

The wizard leaped from the candy shingles to a cloudy ladder, and climbed to the heavens with a grace unmatched. Once in the Cloud Kingdom, she made her way over top the stage and waited. The ground was opaque; she knew she'd have to rely on her exceptional hearing when the time came. So she laid on her side and pressed an ear down, earning many confused expressions from the dancers around her.

Minutes passed. Marceline's song concluded. And then silence. Finally, she heard them.

"Oh, Finnie. If you wanted to feel 'em, you only had to ask."

They were close, a couple yards off at most. Huntress crawled along, tracking their sounds.

She heard the shuffling of loose fabric and then, "Like what you see?"

Her face grew hot and she balled her hands into fists. That undead whore was stripping. Once more, she acted without prior planning. She scanned the crowd for something to throw, something big enough to tear a hole in the clouds. The massive wolf head of Party God hovered nearby.

"You!" she shouted, approaching the deity.

"Me?"

"Yeah—what're you doing up here?!"

"I, uh…" He stared at the wizard, reasonably confused.

"The party's in the Candy Kingdom down there," she said, pointing in Marceline's direction. "Aren't you the Party God?!"

"Of course I am!"

"Then why aren't you at the party?!"

The enormous head shook with discomfort. "I thought...I am...I should…"

"Get down there! Now!"

Party God howled and took off, her demands acting as his battle cry. He ripped through the ground with ease, missing the pair only by a foot. The Queen screamed in agony and dropped the hero. The sound sated Huntress, and she launched an arrow at the vampire for good measure. Then she turned and ran.

* * *

Hours later, Huntress Wizard was back down in the Candy Kingdom, resting on a turret of the castle. She'd been searching for Finn and had come up short. She didn't regret her hasty actions—she knew the hero would survive the fall. He was exceptional, after all. And she suspected he'd been in hiding ever since.

In the late hours of the day, as the sun neared the horizon, she finally spotted the hero...surrounded by Banana Guards. The wizard leaned forward and examined the scene with acute eyes. The princess and her butler walked with him as well. The former, a sugar-coated despot. The latter, a purveyor of the dark arts. It'd be dangerous to seek him now, but she'd survived far worse.

Huntress could see their path—they were headed toward the castle. She waited until they were inside, then slipped in through the nearest window. She shape shifted into a rat and scurried the halls, listening for the distinct voice of the human. To her surprise, she found him alone with Bubblegum. The princess had sent her guards away. She was vulnerable.

The idea of them alone together made her grow hot. She wanted to act out as she had before, but she knew Finn would never forgive her. Not if she harmed his friend. The vampire was immortal—she could stand the abuse—but Bonnibel was not. A misplaced arrow would slay her the same as any other prey.

HW calmed herself and followed their voices, eventually arriving in the Royal Quarters. She scoffed, realizing they were in the bathroom together, shower running. At the door frame, she resumed her normal form and stepped forward. They'd stopped talking. She could only hear the running water and...kissing? Slurping. She'd already started.

The wizard drew an arrow and held it at the ready without lifting a finger, got her aim, then gripped the handle of the shower door. With one swift motion, she threw the door aside, launched her arrow, and swiped Finn away.

Her projectile flew true, darting through the princess' hair and lodging itself in the tiled wall behind her. With the hero in tow, Huntress dashed from the bathroom, ran to the balcony, and leaped into the cool evening air, all before Bubblegum realized something was amiss. When she tried to follow, she found herself anchored to the shower stall by her gummy locks. By the time she'd freed herself, the pair was long gone.

* * *

"What're you doing?!"

She'd made herself a hawk, and Finn clung to her back as she glided from the castle. Huntress couldn't speak in this form, so she remained silent.

"HW! What're you do—whoa!"

They landed roughly atop a house in the outskirts of the city and she shifted back.

"Saving you, ya donk," she said.

The human was sprawled out on the candy shingles, completely nude and still erect. It took tremendous effort for Huntress to maintain her steely expression, to appear indifferent...but she soaked in every detail with unprecedented avidity.

On the outside, she appeared as usual—standing tall, hands on her hips, face unreadable—more like a force of nature than a person. Still, noticing her gaze Finn couldn't help but cover himself.

"I, er...s-saving me? From what?" he asked.

"There's a hunt in progress. And you're the prey." Her voice didn't divulge her lust. Just as with her demeanor, her tone was unwavering and aloof. "Bubblegum took you, and I helped you escape. You're welcome."

"She didn't...I _wanted _to be...can I borrow your cloak?"

"No."

Finn sat up and tried to make himself comfortable, despite his being both sopping wet and bare. As he moved, he continued to cover himself then, remembering that Huntress had seen it all before, gave up and rested his hands at his sides. A small part of him liked letting her look—but he quickly dismissed it.

He sighed. "So I guess that was you who saved me from Muscle Princess, and who burnt up Marcy."

"Yup." She sat beside him, though her eyes remained fixed on his body.

"Well, thanks. So...why were you followin' me around all day?"

She elected to ignore the question. "Happy Birthday."

They sat in silence for a while, gathering their bearings and appreciating the view. For Finn, that meant watching the dramatic light show that the Candy Kingdom had become at dusk. For Huntress, it meant intensely studying the hero's body while he was otherwise distracted. At this point, the party had mostly transitioned to the dance floor above, and most of the noise had followed. From where they sat, they could only hear—or feel, rather—the bass of the music, reverberating down from the clouds.

Suddenly, HW shifted and cocked her head, as though listening for something. For the first time since they'd landed, she stopped staring at the human and shifted her focus elsewhere.

"What's wro—"

"_Shh_," she cut him off. "Someone's coming."

The wizard immediately assumed the learned stance of a seasoned hunter, crouching on the crest of the rooftop, arrow at the ready, prepared to pounce at a moment's notice. Her fluidity still amazed Finn. Even still, she was captured instantly.

A pyramid of orange light, emanating from no discernible source, enveloped Huntress. Without hesitation, she lobbed a myriad of spells in quick succession. None worked, however; they bounced within the container, dissipating with each reflection until, finally, all appeared calm. The structure looked the same as it had, with no signs of wearing down. It seemed it was a product of science, not magic—otherwise she'd have had it disabled by now.

She tried to speak, but her voice wouldn't come through. Finn pressed on its surface and struck it to no avail. It was like fighting a brick wall. He immediately recognized the source of the technology; it was identical to the force field Gridface Princess had provided in defense against Darren, albeit much smaller. It took the full force of the ancient being to destroy it then...there was no way Huntress could force her way out. At least, not within the same week.

Fear struck the hero once more. The hunt continued, and even the expert on such matters had succumbed to it. There was no way he'd fair better. He was an adventurer, not a huntsman. Much less a strategist. He couldn't barrel into this as he did everything else, sword drawn, swinging with no restraint. His enemies here were his friends. And, despite his having known them for years, he found himself sorely under-prepared.

He backed away from the shield and searched the surrounding rooftops. All was still; nothing seemed out of the ordinary. Then, another burst of orange light. He was encased in an identical pyramid.

* * *

Back at the castle, Princess Bubblegum yanked her hair free of the arrow, wiped herself dry, and redressed. Then she marched from the Royal Quarters back to the storage room, where Marceline was anxiously waiting. She threw open the door in a huff.

"Done already?" the vampire chuckled. "I thought you two'd be—_whoa_. What happened?"

The princess looked furious and her hair was visibly torn.

"_Huntress_."

"Dammit! She took 'im?"

Her girlfriend's fixed expression answered for her. Marcy took a breath and, setting aside her own feelings, glided over and held her. Bubblegum had a complicated history with the hero—her long withheld feelings were more akin to love than lust, and she respected that. Personally, the Queen had always desired more..._physical_ interaction with him. That could wait; Bonnie, however, stood on the precipice of a catastrophe. At its maximum, her rage knew no bounds. And, from what she could see, it wouldn't be long before the princess took drastic actions.

Marceline kissed her softly and told her everything would be okay.

"Let me get 'im back for you," she whispered.


	11. An Alliance

On cue, his captors revealed themselves. Several princesses climbed the sides of the building, heaved themselves over the the lip of the candy shingles, and rolled onto the rooftop. In the dim light of dusk, Finn was reminded of the two zombie attacks he'd witnessed in the very same kingdom. The women were similarly sluggish—having spent the last 24 hours tracking him down—and operated by the same enduring resolve, like machines with a singular purpose.

He turned back to see Huntress' reaction. She was as unflinching as ever, merely standing and watching the scene unfold. Her eyes darted from princess to princess, target to target, as though calculating the best method of attack should her prison fail.

Lastly, she looked back at him. For the first time, he could have sworn he detected a glimmer of remorse in her gaze. An unspoken apology, or perhaps some fleeting jealousy for the inevitable.

Gradually, the royals stood and composed themselves, attempting to wipe the grime from their clothes, the sweat from their brows, then approached the human's force field. There were enough that they completely encircled it. At least a dozen. He was too tense to bother counting. Breakfast Princess, Gridface Princess, Raggedy Princess, Space Angel Princess, Elbow Princess, Embryo Princess, Muscle Princess, Crab Princess, Hot Dog Princess, Lizard Princess...they all donned the same hungry stare.

"Alright ladies," Breakfast Princess said. "Remember the plan...one at a time...we have him right where we want him. Let's not mess this up." It seemed she was the quasi-leader of this shabby alliance. "Gridface, get the second shield ready."

She obeyed orders, and began manipulating a device she wore on her wrist. With the press of a button, the outline of another pyramid formed. It was a few feet larger, and it wrapped around the perimeter of his shield, providing just enough room for a person to stand between both barriers. Breakfast Princess stepped forward, across its threshold, and stood in that gap. GP pressed another button. The shields inverted; Finn's dissolved away and the outermost one took its full form. Now, he was locked inside with BP.

They were more organized than he'd guessed. That maneuver alone would've taken some time to plan. The yellow princess smiled wickedly and approached. Finn backed against the orange wall behind him. After his brief moment with Bubblegum, he didn't want this. Especially not under these circumstances. But he refused to fight a princess, and it looked like that was his only option left. That, and perhaps stalling.

"_Wait_," he croaked. She paused. "How did you find me?"

She looked past him, toward Huntress, and said, "She led us right to you. Muscle Princess joined our group after she shot her, and we've been following her ever since—till she went in the castle. Then a green hawk flew from PB's balcony, carrying _you_. I thought Huntress Wizard was supposed to be _stealthy_."

She and the other princesses shared a laugh. By this point, she was inches away from Finn. He covered himself, embarrassment setting in. He tried to speak again, but she clasped a hand over his mouth.

"We've got you. You might as well give in."

She forced his arms aside, exposing his length once more. Without hesitation, she gripped him and began to stroke. She withdrew her hand from his face and kissed him deeply, as though his touch was all that sustained her. Lumpy Space Queen was right—she _did_ have egg breath.

He grew hard soon enough, and her interest quickly moved elsewhere. The princess pulled away entirely and started removing her dress.

"Lay down," she demanded. "_Now_."

He complied. She was right; there was no stopping them now. It'd all be over faster if he listened.

Huntress' rigid facade shattered as he laid on the roof. She gritted her teeth and scowled. Her hands balled into fists. Arrows flew from her quiver, driven forth by pure emotion, and collided with the orange shield before her, shattering into dust on impact. Her fury, though contained, was enough that the princesses looked uneasy and shifted away to the far side of Finn's pyramid.

Their attention was rapidly drawn elsewhere, however, as a naked Breakfast Princess positioned herself above the hero.

"Hey!" cried Hot Dog Princess. "Who said _you _could take his virginity?"

The others joined in and their overlapping questions became unintelligible.

"_We agreed_," she spoke up, "that I'd be the first in the force field."

"But not the first to _have_ him!" said Crab Princess.

"It's implied. Besides, I _am_ the prettiest. And as such—"

The spectators instantly devolved into a riot, pressing and slamming against the barrier, trying to force their way through. Hurriedly, she crouched down and pressed herself against Finn's length.

The human was in utter shock as she worked. His mind was a haze since she'd disrobed. BP was the third woman he'd seen entirely bare that day, and the spectacle still hadn't worn on him. Of course, the variety alone was enough to hold his interest—all three looked very different beneath their clothes. Breakfast Princess' frame was very similar to Bubblegum's, as well as her bust. In lieu of nipples, a pad of butter rested on each breast. Her flesh was the color and consistency of an egg yolk. Though he only caught a brief glimpse as she mounted him, her labia looked distinctly like strips of bacon. And her smell made his stomach rumble; he realized he hadn't eaten all day.

She winced as his tip entered her. The cacophony of complaints became louder with each inch she took in. Finn shuddered at the sensation—the warmth, the tightness, and what he could only assume was grease that spilled from her folds. It was comparable to PB's gift but, somehow, entirely different. He struggled to hide his pleasure; he knew HW was still watching.

The other princesses, rather than continue attacking the force field, had turned back and targeted Gridface who, hopelessly outnumbered, immediately relented. She disabled the barrier.

Breakfast Princess was too consumed in the moment to notice. She bounced fervently atop the hero, moaning zealously. Muscle Princess charged and swung an enormous arm, knocking BP aside. The yellow princess shrieked in surprise as she flew from the rooftop. She disappeared into the darkness, landing in an adjacent alley.

Despite her hostility, the hero was concerned for her. It was a hard blow; she was definitely hurt. He scrambled to follow, but MP forced him back down with an enormous hand and pressed her mouth to his. Finn spat in disgust. She gripped his shoulders and shook him violently.

"_Love me_!" she screamed, then resumed their kiss.

He curled his lips inward and grimaced, but remained otherwise motionless to quell her wrath. She ran her rubbery tongue against his skin, thoroughly tasting him. Meanwhile, the others had crowded around his body and started fighting for territory.

Hot Dog Princess climbed onto his chest and licked at his nipples. Space Angel Princess took one of his hands and pressed his fingers into her slit. Raggedy Princess merely snuggled up against his side and appreciated his warmth. The majority, however, fought over his member. One would take his length in their mouth or between their legs, only to be yanked away and replaced by another. The squabble quickly grew into a fight and the princesses started throwing punches.

Gridface, who had stepped aside since disabling her force field, decided to take advantage of her occupied peers. While they fought, she tore a hole in her jumpsuit and sat on his throbbing member. She was the tightest yet, and Finn couldn't help but moan in turn. His sound alerted Muscle Princess, and she turned to see her competition. GP froze and stared at the hulking princess, too scared to move. She was given the same treatment as Breakfast Princess, and flew clear to the next rooftop.

Every other woman in his vicinity rushed back, leaving a wide gap between them, terrified of being lobbed as well.

MP grunted and took his member in her hand, then smirked. She gripped him like she intended to destroy it. The hero shrieked in pain and clawed at her arm, begging her to release him. Instead, she started to stroke. It felt like she was skinning his length with each pull. He screamed till his throat burned. Finally, she stopped.

She stood and stepped over top of him, her enormous frame eclipsing the sky above. Much like Gridface, he found himself paralyzed with fear. He scanned his foe, trying to determine what was next. His eyes froze between her legs—he could see under the short hem of her dress. She wasn't wearing underwear.

Muscle Princess let her legs go limp, and landed on his lap with the full brunt of her weight. Thankfully, her aim was accurate. His member penetrated her folds which, like the rest of her being, were lined with monstrous muscles. Finn didn't notice the pain they elicited however; his focus was on his aching pelvis.

Her boisterous laughs shook the hero. She started to bounce on him, offering no reprieve to the agony that now consumed his lower half. He lost the strength to cry out, and fell quiet. The remaining princesses watched hesitantly, wondering if it was safe to intervene.

Even through his bloodshot eyes, blurred by tears, he saw Raggedy mouth the words, "I'm sorry."

Then, a faint scream sounded from above. It was masked by MP's grunts and the groaning of the roof beneath them, but it soon grew louder.

"Get off of him!"

The Vampire Queen descended from the castle, having spotted the scene from above. She was shape shifted; the familiar form of an enormous bat dove at the pair. Beside her, Muscle Princess almost appeared small.

Marceline tore her away in one fell swoop then flew higher, out beyond the walls of the kingdom. The princess yelled obscenities as she was dropped in the moat. Apparently, the vampire wasn't finished with her work. She resumed her normal appearance and dropped down alongside her victim. Behind the wall, the ensuing quarrel was unseen by the spectators. MP's voice was quickly hindered, and a myriad of loud, resounding _claps _and _cracks_—something powerful slamming against exposed flesh, bruising tissue and breaking bones—echoed in the empty streets.

While the scuffle transpired, and a weak and broken Finn lay unprotected, the remaining princesses moved forward. The human groaned, expecting another onslaught of lustful action but—to his surprise—no such assault came. Instead, the women lifted him from the candy shingles and carried him to the edge of the rooftop. Each of them appeared remorseful. It seemed the majority didn't expect such violent proceedings.

They lowered him to the ground below. He tentatively stood, disregarding the intense pain that still burned in his legs. The hero looked back at the women. Still, they made no move to use him.

Embryo Princess floated forward and pleaded, "Get out of here. Before they come back."

He didn't need to be told twice. Finn took off toward the castle, glancing behind him as he went. They genuinely seemed regretful. Huntress was still trapped in her orange cage. It stood out against the dark backdrop of night, like a beacon. Her eyes watched him carefully, her mood as unreadable as ever. As much as he wanted to, he didn't know how to free her. And his priority was reaching safety. With much difficulty, he offered her a nod and abandoned the area altogether, slipping away from her line of sight.

Though he didn't see Marcy as a threat, there were still enemies at bay. It sounded like Muscle Princess was out for the count. In fact, it sounded like she may not be doing much of anything for the next few months. Breakfast Princess was definitely in play, injured or not. She shared MP's callous resolve—though not nearly with as much strength to back it up. Gridface Princess seemed to simply be following orders, but her tech marked her as dangerous too.

And, of course, there were dozens of other princesses he was yet to encounter, surely lurking around every corner of the kingdom. Finn slowed to a walk and considered his options. Jake was still his best bet. The dog would likely be in the clouds with everyone else. The hero considered returning to the castle, to Bubblegum. Maybe even continuing with his present. But the reality of his situation had cemented itself: so long as he remained at the party, he wasn't safe. He had to bail.

And so, Finn made his way to the nearest cloud ladder and started to climb.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

**Sorry for the delay...things have been really shitty lately. This may be TMI, but I'll fill you in anyway. My dad had a serious accident earlier this week and he's been in the hospital ever since. He had to have reconstructive surgery; he was under for over 7 hours. He's okay now. Just recuperating from the anesthesia, is all. Of course, a few months of painful recovery will follow. But at least he's alive. Again, sorry if that's a little too personal. I just felt like sharing with somebody. As you'd expect, I've been pretty overwhelmed the last few days. Writing wasn't really priority. I'm getting back into it now though; it helps distract from the issues, y'know?**

**Anyway, please review and let me know what you thought. This chapter (and the rest of the story for that matter) may seem a bit disjointed. I stopped halfway through when that shit went down, and my train of thought was interrupted. Taking a break in the middle of one's prose will always leave an effect, however little. Taking a break because of some serious trauma will probably have a more noticeable effect though. So I'm sorry if the story doesn't pan out as you expected from here; I'm basically starting over in terms of my approach. I don't even remember where I meant to take things next.**

**Constructive criticism is always appreciated. Feel free to leave suggestions as well. I've started a one-shot series on the side (for short, sexy events that don't warrant a whole story) and it's begging for some fresh material. Drop an interesting prompt (review or PM) and there's a good chance you'll see it over there. **

**As always, thanks for reading!**


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